Never judge love by its tattoos!

The other day, Chloe and I were on a mission to rent a movie, get snacks, and bond with the family. And a tatted up thug showed us mad love...

Chloe and I leave church in my trusty but dusty Honda. It has been agreed that we will rent Book of Eli (because mother has yet to see it) and get fatty snacks (because some of the family will start diets tomorrow). We drive to Hollywood Video, because Blockbuster has gone out of business (I say: blame Netflix and Redbox). It is very hot, so we ride with 3 of the 4 windows down. The driver's side window stays up because it is fickle in its choosing whether or not to be rolled back up after being rolled down. When we reach our destination, I roll up the 2 of the 3 open windows. I grow impatient 3/4 of the way through the rolling up of the third. So I leave it as it is, believing that only a fool would steal a 1994 Honda with no radio, no heat/AC, no hubcaps and only 3 working windows. If someone, probably a blind or desperate someone, did steal the Turquoise Wonder they probably needed it even more than I do and I would have to suck it up and find other means of transportation. Any other common thief would become exasperated at discovering that one must coax the car into starting and leave it precisely where it is.

Anyway, I have digressed, as usual. We leave the last window with just about a 3 inch opening...(completing the roll up would have taken another 2 or 3 minutes- ok...enough car jokes). We go into the store and find that a) Book of Eli has yet to be released AND b) Hollywood Video will also be closing in 3 weeks. This is truly a pity because I really have been trying to discourage my father from using his bootleg connection. We sigh and return to our car, brainstorming how to break the news to my mother. During the conversation I search my canyon of a purse for my keys, as is customary. When I find that I have searched unusually long, I joke: "Wouldn't it be funny if I locked my keys in the car?" Chloe and I laugh because that would be sooo like me.

Turns out...it is not really all the funny to lock your keys in the car.

As we try to shove Chloe's arm down the 3 inch opening (weird coincidence, eh?) and she tries not to cry, I remember taking my spare car key from my grandmother (who lives 10 minutes away from the current location of the car) and throwing it into the cyclone of my room in my apartment...which is over an hour away. I can see some people staring at us out of the corner of my eye. I can practically feel their judgement and I really want to assure them that we are not stealing this car. I try to squeeze my arm into that tiny slot and am forced to wriggle it back out, managing only to make myself red and ashy. Some bystanders are snickering and we are even more motivated to get into this car.

We've been trying to break into my car for about 5 minutes now and the adorable quirkiness of the situation has officially worn off. We are hot and tired and we want ice cream. Not to mention, we are still movieless. Out of the corner of my other eye, I see a big burly man approaching. I notice he is covered in tattoos and wearing a leather cut off vest. He is also carrying a very large crowbar. I've seen enough movies to know how this is going to end. Great. Not only are we sweating and locked out of the car...but now we are also in danger.

"HEY!"

Oh no...I really didn't want to have to run for my life today...

"Lemme see that...I think I can help." Said with a kind smile. I notice his biker girlfriend standing near him, also wearing a smile (and leather...but we're beyond that now!).

As he inspects my car, Chloe and I give each other embarrassed looks. Then we look at him. I notice that once you get past all the tattoos, Tattooman has a really kind face. Sadly, he and his crowbar are uncharacteristically unsuccessful. But Tattooman has another idea. He hands the crowbar to Bikerchick and grabs onto the window with both hands and pulls down with all his might.

"Quick! Stick your arm in there and unlock it! I'll hold it down"

The window is creaking and this seems like a really quick way to lose an apendage but Chloe tentatively puts her arm in there anyway. Still won't fit. Rats.

"Your turn! Go!"

He's getting a little red in the face and he's been so nice that I am compelled to put life and limb on the line. I put my arm in and straighten my elbow (which I have only now noticed is quite knobby). And voila! We unlock the car!!!

We give high fives and "Thank You's" to Tattooman who shrugs it off, takes his crowbar and walks back to his car.

Chloe and I coax the Turquoise Wonder into starting and drive off into the sunset. Actually it was daytime...but driving off into the sunset is a much more poetic ending.

Sometimes love looks like the bleeding heart tattoo on a biker's chest.